I Signed Up for the Marathon!

Guest Blog Written by: Ariel Trocino

Internet confession time:  I signed up for my first marathon, the Chicago Marathon, and I am absolutely terrified of it. Yes, I am on a running blog, admitting I am utterly afraid of the Chicago Marathon. I’m intimidated by the training program, I’m intimidated by my fellow runners, I’m afraid of failing. It’s not necessarily that I walk around with this trepidation day-to-day, but when I am in the middle of a run, which admittedly is an extremely short distance in comparison to a marathon, I am pelted by thoughts of failure and desperation to find the ability to continue. How, I always find myself thinking at the halfway point, HOW am I ever going to run 26.2?! Why even try? 5 miles is EXHAUSTING!  Often, the only thing that keeps me going-when I do in fact keep going- is visualizing running across that finish line in October.

I have friends who are flying in from the east coast to run the Chicago with me. They have both run more than a handful of marathons, and are excited to be my long-distance coaches (we Skype often to stay in touch!). Knowing they have struggled in the past keeps me motivated. Knowing I have friends who have just started running or have just started their weight loss journeys also keeps me motivated. I’d like to write about how these people who have help me overcome my fears, or how great my runs have been going since I had some kind of revelation- but the truth is, I am still really struggling. Sometimes I am so afraid I won’t be able to finish the run, I have trouble starting it at all. If I could find a way to spend as much energy running as I do justifying why I am NOT running, I’d already have run a marathon. But at the same time, I am not afraid enough to give up entirely. So that leaves me locked in a wrestle with my anxiety. I’m not giving up, I’m not afraid to start, but I am, in general, totally petrified.

So that leaves me here. I’m going to do it, come hell or high water. I have to find management tools, for example I’m going to start speaking positively about my skill level as a runner and not apologizing for where I am- a beginner. I’m going to go out and run 3 or 4 miles, and when it is hard, I won’t be embarrassed that it is hard. That finish line is waiting for me and even though I am afraid, I’m going to earn that last step across it.